Apology #2: Violence, swine flu, & earthquakes are to blame

I'm seriously not done. The embarassment of 4 people weighs heavy on my heart. Sadly other things have been consuming my time. But I will be pulled back in by the desire to mock others, in an attempt to mask my own inadequacies, forsaking all other duties.

Thank you for your concern.

Sorry that the blogs have been spaced out generously, but we will continue on and do better. There are too many people to humiliate to stop now. I am waiting on some photos to finish off Ryan, and his massive web of lies. After that? Maybe more from the bottoms of Adam and Trent? Details of Mark's tumultuous but lucrative modeling career? How I bought Cuba? Stay tuned. And the shirts should be in soon.

Travelling T-Shirt

The top illustration is the back of the shirt. Double click on it for a better view.
The one under it goes where a pocket would be on the front of the shirt.

So order or cancel now with your size at brinijm@yahoo.com or zachb@handsandfeetinc.org

Design by Disciple Graphics. http://www.disciplegraphics.com/ Contact at info@disciplegraphics.com

More Ryan bashing soon. Don't worry. Others will get a turn too.

'Ryan is Lyin' or 'Hey, that dude can see!' Part 1

Exposing Ryan is of great importance to me, and I have written too much so I will separate this post into at least 2 parts.
I count Ryan amongst the elite or at least slightly above a peon in my friendship circle. I even allowed him into a super-friend contract that most new friends are bound to(I believe that Mr. Marcos Talcott can take the credit for this wonderful idea). If one of the friends becomes rich then they have to support the other friend financially(a sugar daddy of sorts). I feel like I have pretty good odds on this one. He and Trent both entered into the unbreakable contract recently. Trent is in med school and Ryan is really smart. I just have to convince Ryan that working for non-profits and helping people that don't have tons of money is wrong. I need help with Trent as well. He is into this whole missions thing. I have tried, and I implore you to help as well to convince Trent that Beverly Hills style cosmetic surgery is a better type of mission work than Africa could ever offer.(Horribly untrue and a genuinely deplorable thing to say. I'm proud of my little guys and their hearts for people in need(you too, Mark and Adam.) Being with a group like this in a place of need has been extraordinary, and I can't wait to see where God takes them. I just want them to pamper me, and foot the bill for my costly lifestyle.) Anyway, it just so happened that I was in the market for a new friend when Ryan gloriously entered my life.
Ryan, a great friend, but a dirty, filthy liar. I have enjoyed him immensely, but I liked him a lot more before I knew him. "Why?", you ask. I am convinced that Ryan pretends to be visually impaired to receive perks, that I have heard him admit to and seen for myself, from airports, theme parks, banks, or anywhere that lines or inconveniences are present. I have heard him offer up his escort services, for a fee of course, to those who don't want to wait to ride on 'Space Mountain'.
Not enough proof? Let me briefly share with you a few recent experiences that may convince you that this man has better eyesight than superman. (A few partial truths or complete untruths may be used to help prove my point. This may sound hypocritical, especially when the point of this is to show that Ryan is the liar. Not so, friends. I will only use verbal tomfoolery that is meant to deceive, not lie. This is a method used by some of the most ethical people that are famous for their integrity and refusal to lie. I can't remember their names now, but I will email them to you later if you can present me with a notarized request. To get you off my back, I will indicate when something that may be considered fallacy is mentioned.)
The hard facts will be presented soon.
Photo: Look at Mark, ever studious and pleasant. There I am, smiling and enjoying the day. Adam, attempting to smile, but he is still on the heels of the fecal fiasco from the day before. And Ryan, he looks calm and satisfied. And then there is Trent... No, I think if you look very carefully you will see that there is no Trent there. Look at the 4 of us sitting there again. Look at the underlying fear that can only be seen in the glimmer in 6 of our eyes. That is because 6 of those eyes, which I believe is 3 of us, can see Trent struggling on the floor after Ryan beat him unmercifully with his cane. The offense? Trent handed Ryan a napkin. That is the kind of wildcard we are dealing with here! What does this have to do with anything? Nothing. But don't ever give that guy a napkin. I don't know why. Plus it kind of shows that he is shady and therefore, probably a liar.

T-Shirts: If you would like one, please let me know asap(I hate when people use that. I could have already written it out in full. That is my point.). The best way is to email me at brinijm@yahoo.com or zach@mexicoaid.com Don't forget to let me know your size. It looks like they will be about $12 with any extra $ going to Juarez.

The Desert Dungarama

First, we have Adam hanging on a fencepost in the desert and letting his insides fall out (he appears over my right shoulder in photo). I am obviously overjoyed.

Secondly, the poo poo waddle back to his comrades.

Finally, he is explaining to me, in depth, the physics and geometry involved in his pantless squirting method. He actually had quite a plan and executed it flawlessly. Almost.

Masterful Job by Ryno

Do yourself a favor and copy and paste the link below into your address bar and enjoy the story of Mr. Ryno Jones. He does a great job chronicaling our journey. He even brought a little moisture to my eyeballs. It is a shame that tomorrow I have some terrible things to say about him.

http://www.captainjones.net/ryan/mexico.htm

The Time When Adam, Ryan, and Mark Briefly Kidnapped a Member of the Mexican Military and didn't Die

We see a military checkpoint ahead with lots of men with lots of guns. This isn't our first by a long shot, and they had all gone smoothly. For the most part these guys were very nice and took pride in trying to keep the country safe. They pretty much waved us through every time. Not this time. Signaling us to pull over with a pointed gun(a hand gesture would have been sufficient) we obediently did so.

We were told to exit the vehicles, which we did, and they collected our licenses and took down all of our information. We were then ordered to back away from the vehicles while they took a look. Our vans are full of tools, boxes, coolers, bags, and vomit buckets. Quite a few guys executed a thorough search of our belongings. They checked everything(possible casualty or 2 when they got into Adam's underwear). One van in particular was loaded pretty high in the back, and they went crawling through everything.

We talked to the Captain(?)(military boss guy) for a while, and he was impressed with our journey. He signed us off on some unknown paperwork(we probably joined the military) and sent us on our way. Trent and I jumped in the 2nd van while Ryan, Mark, and Adam took the lead vehicle. We follow them for a second when the brakes screeched on van1 aka Doxology(we were impressed that the brakes worked). A couple of seconds later a heavily armed man stumbles over Ryan out of the vehicle(I am positive that Ryan tripped him). According to accounts from our kidnapper friends whom I don't trust, they say that they started off and the guy didn't really say anything but shyly made his way through the bags to the front of the vehicle. Shocking them, he apologized and tripped out.

What Trent and I think really happened: Ryan really wanted a friend and it was obvious to him and everyone else that he wasn't going to find one on this trip. He is a nice enough guy, but he just has that "will you please punch my face" look about him. He saw an opportunity to have his very own army man to play with, and he took it. But to Ryan's dismay, people with machine guns don't like to be kidnapped.

We hope to have some military photos up soon, but Marcos has been very stingy with his pictures. We do, however, have Adam aiding Ryan and Mark in the abduction. And a photo that Mark fantasized of Ryan being beaten up by their 'victim'.