We Had It Our Way Alright

I love Mexican food, I really do. However, when you eat out for every meal it can get a little old. For several days I have been desperately searching for peanut butter so I can just have a peanut butter sandwich. Failure again and again. Yesterday, however, we were on one of my searches, and we saw something much much better... a Burger King. We thought that we were seeing a mirage or that it was some sort of a cosmic joke. Adam passed out, and I had to drag his hairy body into the restaurant. Normally I hate Burger King, and I feel like I am going to throw up when I have it. When we got done I felt like I had eaten at a five star restaurant. Also, I lost my compass yesterday, but a pack of squirrels found it for me in Adam´s beard along with a dictionary and my left boot.

Always Check Your ''Chiropractor/Witchdoctor's'' Credentials!!!

We went to a lovely place called Puerto Escondido. When they tell you not to swim then you should listen. The waves were a bit rough, and there were surfers out so we thought it would be fine if we body surfed. The waves were bigger than the Gulf's during a hurricane. Apparently this place is referred to as the Mexican Pipeline, and they hold international surfing competitions here. Unfortunately, I wrenched my neck a bit(I am fine). The next day we went to a paradise like place called Zipolite(this is a picture from our $20 hotel cabana). And again with the body surfing. I woke in the middle of the night with incredible pain. I woke Adam early and told him that I needed to go to the hospital. Our cab driver talked me into going to a 'chiropractor' that was well known for his great chiropracting(?) and it would be much cheaper. I thought this was a marvelous idea. We pull into an alley, and our cab driver runs from door to door for 20 minutes looking for this 'great healer'. Interestingly enough we were parked in front of his house. He was just getting out of the shower(and for you old school wrestling fans, he looked just like George 'the animal' Steele. For you others, he was really big and mean looking.).
He welcomed me into his home where he used every sort of torture technique that I think that there could be(except for Chinese water torture). I have never been in so much pain. Hopefully, the picture of my back shows up. It does not do justice to the site of my bruises as I can barely lie down without whimpering. Those particular bruises were caused by him putting some lit matches on my back and then covering them with a drinking glass. This extinguished the matches and the smoke ate all of the air, and it created the most horrendous suction device that I have ever had the pleasure of being around. This drinking glass, now full of two handfulls of my skin, muscle, spinal cord, etc... was moved around my body(by moved, I mean dragged with tremendous force). After 2 hours, yes 2 hours, of this he showed some mercy and let me off the table. I never let him see me cry, which I am really proud of. I did, however, scream like a dying cat. He told me that I was absolutely forbidden to travel for 3 days, and he wanted to see me again in the morning. Like a good patient I told him that of course I would go straight to bed at the nearest hotel and return to receive his healing the first thing in the morning. We left and went straight to the bus station to purchase the first available 12 hour overnight trip ticket out of town, way out of town. He was a very nice man, and my neck does feel a lot better. However, if anyone ever drags you into their garage to work on you then please look for their diploma before the session begins.

Monte Alban

This is an incredible site. However, one of the problems with seeing really cool stuff everyday is that extraordinary things become ordinary, and it takes a lot to get you excited about a place. Monte Alban was around over a thousand years before Jesus. We really were amazed at first, but we got bored quickly. We went all the way out there so we decided to make the best of it by practicing our karate. Though neither of us has been formally trained, I think you can see the skills that we were born with are quite lethal.

Ruin Riot

They asked me not to touch anything while on the grounds. Request Denied!!! This is what I think of their ruins. I thought I would teach their pretty tree a lesson as well. Sadly, we have been asked to not return.

Cultural Day

We are at the Gulf!!! Not Gulf Shores, silly. But we are on the Gulf of Mexico in Vera Cruz. We decided to take a day to really get to know Mexican history and see some historical sites. So, clearly we decided to go to the water park. We have a nice shot of Adam hitting the water here. The shot I missed was Adam pushing the small children out of the way so he could take his turn on the slide before he was supposed to. There is also a nice picture of Adam here leaning against the whale in the kiddie pool right before he was tossed out for his weirdness, and overwhelmingly large beard.
On the ride home our taxi driver would not let me put on my seatbelt. I never really understood his argument, but I relented anyway. He then firmly placed his hand on the horn and his foot on the accelerator and did not release until we reached our hotel, and I payed him the fare and for the finger holes in his dashboard. He complained that the police were after him because they would not let him run red lights at his discretion. He then went into a Shakespearean diatribe on how it was not fare that he would be fined if he were to be pulled over while drunk. Vera Cruz was interesting.

What I Have to Look at Everyday: 7 - 8am

I awake excited for the new adventures that the day is going to bring. I look to the bed next to mine and this is what I see(not the best way to start the day. i don´t reccomend it). Attempts to wake him at this point are futile at best. So I go out for coffee and to take in a few sites in the morning time. I sometimes like to give him a good belly slap as I exit. I receive no response.

Wow: 9am

I have returned from coffee and a stroll around whatever city we are in. This is what I return to. After vomiting for 15 minutes, I resume attempts to wake this man-beast.

A Day In the Life of Adam: 10am

He is finally beginning to wake and with any luck he will be out of the bed by 11 and ready to start the day at noon(on a good day).

Xochimilco

This place was kind of neat. This city has over 200 kilometers of canals. Here Adam and I are taking a romantic gondola ride through the city.

Tal and Dikla

We met this very nice couple in Mexico City and went on a couple of excursions together. They are from Israel. Tal is from Jerusalem and Dikla is from Tel Aviv. Here we are standing on the 3rd largest pyramid in the world. I can´t spell it though. We have recently parted ways, but hope to reunite in Oaxaca or Guatemala. Adam and I have been talking about our time with these two, and we fear that they may think that we are a gay couple. We never really mentioned that we were brothers. As you can see, I have a man bag which can easily be misconstrued as a purse. Also, you can see that Adam is extremely feminine. I ran out of shirts so I am in a sleeveless(I normally don´t like to expose the guns as many find them to be very scary yet appealing) and a lot of gay travellers that we have seen don´t wear sleeves. I know what you are thinking, ¨Zach, you are the most masculine person that I know, not to mention the hottest¨. Don´t worry, I know. However, Adam´s girliness counteracts my manliness. Anywho, Tal and Dikla if you are reading this, Adam is my brother. And I, at least, am straight.

Seizing the Capital City, Emotions Run High

I tend to get really emotional and angry while speaking(no fear, doctors are looking into this). The police, or as I like to call them, ¨the man¨, got nervous so they sent their sniper chopper in to take me out. Chaos ensued and everyone scattered. I, of course, was hidden away safely by interested parties. However, we plan to leave Mexico City tomorrow for either Puebla or Vera Cruz. I am also planning on ditching Adam soon as I fear that he is becoming a liability(his ego has been writing checks that his body can´t cash, which is never good in my humble opinion).

Iron Fist

Everyone gathered and listened in awe of my eloquence of speach. I explained that I was tough but fair. They seemed to be at peace with the changes that I intend to make although it will be a drastic and quite disturbing lifestyle change for all involved.

Reign of Terror

Here I am gathering my people for my first public address.

Lands Yet To Conquer

Bathroom Bandit: Things I take for granted...

Toilet Paper. Adam and I trade that stuff like gold.
Question: If you use a public toilet then you are allowed to use their toilet paper(public toilets cost 3 pesos here). And it is my understanding that you can use as much as you want. ¿Therefore, is it wrong to wrap large amounts around your hand and then stuff it in your pocket or backpack to save for later? I submit that it is not.

View from the top

The Huicho indians make an annual pilgrimage here to gather payote for their religious ceremonies(because of the tremendous amount that is in this area). At the top of this mountain they have a ´sacred area´ that is a bit spooky. The horses couldn´t go all the way to the top so we had to hike the last 50 feet. We are at about 10,000 feet so we aren´t quite used to the altitude. We feared death was coming. Some may say it is the altitude, others that it is because we are obese and out of shape. I will take the former for myself and the latter for Adam.

Learning Experience

So we get into a town called ´Real de Catorce´, and we notice the sweet mountains that they have. Therefore we felt it necessary to rent some horses for the next day(my groin still hasn´t forgiven me). That night I am enjoying a pleasant meal with Adam, and our waitress taps me on the shoulder and points to the window. There is a man on a horse sitting outside of the restaurant window motioning for me to come out(he wanted to cement our plans). We rode up the mountain the next day. There was barely enough room for the horses to make it up the path which made it for an exciting first horse riding experience. It was worth it when we got to the top as it was beautiful. I will enclose some of those pictures now if this lady whose computer I am using doesn´t kick me out of her house. I don´t think she knows that I speak Spanish, and she is talking about being ready for me to leave. I will pretend that I don´t understand and continue to type along.

Ojuela Puente

Off to the side of this bridge is a zip line. We thought it would be fun to jump off. We signed up, but they had a little trouble finding harnesses to fit Adam, Jason, and I. So I asked the man if they get many people our size. He told me, ¨no, we usually just have mediums¨. No further explanation or reassurance was given. We have some sweet video footage of the jump anyhow.

Valley of the Monks

Access Denied

This was a really neat little indian village where the people lived in homes and caves. We wanted to go and make friends. They didn´t really want us to come in and make friends(I think they caught a whiff of Adam).

I can´t believe they let me into the country with those guns